Lessons learned from Boot Camp

How do I even begin to process this weekend? It was nothing I expected and everything I needed. The praise and worship was wonderful. The speakers were just so real. They told things about themselves that made us know that they struggled with the same issues they were challenging us about. Responses ran the gamut from bowed heads, quiet tears and furtive swipes at eyes to gut-wrenching sobbing and wailing. Seeing other women coming face-to-face with Jesus (and themselves) sometimes made it easier to allow myself to enter in. I spent a lot of time walking and praying (it's hard to find a place to sit and pray with 30+ other women trying to do the same thing, as I neither wanted to intrude or be intruded upon.) There were not many incidences of jumping, hooting and wild praising. But there were multitudes of breakings and breakthroughs. One of my prayers for the ladies this weekend was that no one would leave the same way she came. That has certainly been answered in my life. It will take some time to fully understand all that happened in 2 days. Some things I will be chewing on for a long time.

As is usually the case when there is a true encounter with Jesus, we were asked to make it real by committing something He had shown us to Him. The time around the bonfire was such a release for me because I saw and heard others revealing their secret fears and longings and realized that I am not the only one who struggles with feelings of inadequacy and lack of worth. I already knew that, but now I know it. I think I have discovered (again) that it is ok to be not perfect. It's ok to have questions and wonder if I've heard right. It's ok to stumble or even fall. Jesus will pick me back up. All things I knew. And all things I have had to learn again as if it was for the first time. All things I have allowed Satan to rob me of, and the hard part is, he will try to rob it again, try to send me back to business as usual. And that is what has to be stopped. I am loved. I am accepted. I am humbled.